I've been a Star Trek fan for as long as I can remember, and nothing tickles me more than the glorious tradition of the redshirt. You know the guy: the poor soul in a red uniform who beams down with Kirk, Spock, and McCoy, only to meet a gruesome end before the first commercial break. It's a trope so beloved that it's become shorthand for any disposable character. But among all the silly, preventable, and downright absurd redshirt deaths in Star Trek: The Original Series, one stands head and shoulders above the rest: Lieutenant Grant from the season 2 episode 'Friday's Child.' And I'm here to tell you why his demise is the most ridiculous of them all.
Now, I love a good redshirt death. There's something almost poetic about a nameless ensign wandering into a cave and getting vaporized by a salt vampire. But Grant's story is special. It's not just that he dies; it's how quickly and stupidly he dies. Let me set the scene.
In 'Friday's Child,' the Enterprise arrives at Capella IV to negotiate mining rights. McCoy explains that the Capellans are a near-superhuman warrior race who carry small blades called kleeats. Kirk knows there are taboos to avoid, and any show of force is strictly forbidden. Plus, the Klingons have been spotted nearby. So what does Lieutenant Grant do? Within literally 30 seconds of beaming down, he draws his phaser. Why? Because he sees an unarmed Klingon walk toward the front of the crowd. That's it. No threat, no weapon, just a Klingon existing. Grant decides to shoot him.
And predictably, a Capellan warrior immediately throws a kleeat into Grant's chest. He drops dead. Game over. No dramatic fight, no last words, just a swift lesson in why you don't bring a phaser to a knife fight when you're supposed to be a diplomat.
What makes this so absurd? Let me count the ways:
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He didn't even get a minute of screen time. Most redshirts at least get to explore a planet, crack a joke, or scream before they die. Grant? He beams down, pulls his phaser, and dies. Blink and you'll miss him.
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He never leaves Kirk's side. Redshirts usually die because they wander off. Grant stays right next to the captain, yet still manages to get himself killed. That takes a special kind of incompetence.
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He tries to shoot an unarmed enemy. The Klingon is completely unarmed. The Federation and Klingon Empire are in a Cold War, not an active shooting war. Grant's trigger-happy racism (species-ism?) goes against everything Starfleet stands for.
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He disrespects the Capellans' hospitality. The Capellans are free to negotiate with whoever they want. Shooting a guest at someone else's party is bad form, to say the least.
I mean, come on. Even the most clueless redshirt usually waits until they see a weird rock or a mysterious cloud before panicking. Grant panics at the sight of a Klingon. It's like being invited to a peace summit and immediately punching the first person you don't like.
Now, let's compare Grant to other infamous redshirt deaths. There's the guy who gets killed by a giant space amoeba, the one who gets stabbed by a salt vampire, the poor soul who falls into a pit of acid. But at least those deaths required some exploration, some bad luck. Grant's death required only his own stupidity. He didn't encounter a threat; he created one. He's the final evolution of the redshirt: a character so doomed that he doesn't even need a plot to die. He just needs a phaser and a bad attitude.
Here's a quick table to illustrate my point:
| Redshirt | Episode | Cause of Death | Time on Screen Before Death |
|---|---|---|---|
| Lieutenant Grant | 'Friday's Child' | Kleeat to the chest | ~30 seconds |
| Unnamed Ensign | 'The Man Trap' | Salt vampire | ~2 minutes |
| Crewman Darnell | 'The Galileo Seven' | Giant ape creature | ~5 minutes |
| Ensign Garrovick | 'Obsession' | Cloud creature | ~10 minutes (and he survived? No, he didn't) |
Okay, that last one might be off, but you get the idea. Grant is the champion of pointless deaths.
What's even funnier is that the episode seems to know how ridiculous it is. The landing party beams down, and before you can say 'prime directive,' Grant is already dead. It's as if the writers had a contractual obligation to kill a redshirt before the opening credits. And they did it with zero subtlety.
So here's to Lieutenant Grant, the patron saint of redshirts. He didn't just die; he died in the most spectacularly idiotic way possible, cementing the rule that in Star Trek, if you're wearing red, you might as well write your will before beaming down. 🖖
And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to rewatch 'Friday's Child' just to see that beautiful, stupid, 30-second demise one more time. It never gets old.